For thousands of young people across the UK, September marks the beginning of a new chapter. Suitcases are packed, bedrooms are emptied, tearful goodbyes are exchanged and, for many freshers, the first taste of life away from home begins.
University is often presented as a time of freedom, friendship and opportunity. But behind the excitement of Freshers’ Week lies a major psychological transition, one that can affect not only students, but the parents and guardians left behind.
For young people, leaving home can mean managing finances, studies, friendships, food, sleep and personal wellbeing for the first time. For those already experiencing an undiagnosed mental health condition, that sudden independence can make the transition considerably harder.
When independence masks mental health struggles
National mental health charity Bipolar UK is using Freshers’ Week to highlight the issue through its student-focused ‘Maybe it’s bipolar?’ campaign. The charity says one in 50 people in the UK live with bipolar, while more than half of those affected report experiencing symptoms before the age of 21.
University life can introduce several recognised triggers, including disrupted sleep, exam stress, lack of routine, alcohol and drug misuse and the pressures of financial independence.
The charity says the average age at which people receive a bipolar diagnosis has risen from 26 to 34 over the past 30 years. It estimates that 56% of people with bipolar do not have a diagnosis, while the average time between reporting symptoms and receiving a diagnosis is 9.5 years.
For a student, symptoms such as dramatically reduced need for sleep, overspending, irritability, risk-taking or periods of low mood may initially be dismissed as stress, youthful behaviour or simply part of university life.
Bipolar UK Deputy CEO Rosie Phillips said the campaign aimed to help students recognise symptoms earlier and find appropriate support. “While it might feel scary to consider that you have bipolar, the reality is that with the right support, medication and lifestyle changes, you can live a great life and pursue the career path and opportunities you’d like to,” she said.
The stakes can be significant. Bipolar UK says 43% of 2,571 people surveyed about diagnosis had left employment and/or studies because of delays in diagnosis, while a separate 2022 survey found that almost three-quarters of respondents had attended college or university and around one-third had left university early.
Empty nest: When the house goes quiet
But while students are learning how to live without the familiar structure of home, their parents may be confronting an entirely different emotional reality. For them, the departure can leave more than an empty bedroom. It can leave an empty routine, a quieter kitchen table and a sudden question: what happens to my role now?
This experience is often described as empty nest syndrome – feelings of sadness, grief, loneliness or loss that can arise when children leave home. For some parents, the transition can contribute to depression or intensify existing emotional difficulties.
A recent study of 1,000 UK parents who dropped their child off at university this autumn found that 83% said the experience caused them extreme grief.
Research by University of Hertfordshire social work researcher Professor Denise Turner, meanwhile, suggests the experience can be particularly significant for older parents. Her pilot study of 53 people, predominantly aged 60 and over, found that children leaving home could disrupt routines and social contact while removing an important source of identity and purpose.
For some, however, an empty nest can also become an opportunity for freedom, independence and self-reflection. “My research suggests that people’s experiences vary considerably. Participants under 65 were more likely to identify positive aspects of the empty nest than those aged 65 and over, while married participants reported more positive experiences than those who were single, divorced or widowed,” Turner added.
Yet more than 26% of participants said greater support and information was urgently needed.
Professor Turner said, “The “empty nest” has particular resonance for higher education, where, every year, thousands of young people leave their parents to come and study. For many of them this is the first time they will have been childless at home for many years.”
Learning to live with an empty nest
Mental health expert and former GP Dr Dominique Thompson, of Buzz Consulting, says parents should give themselves time to adjust rather than expecting to feel better immediately.
“Finding a new purpose is vital,” says Thompson. Helping a neighbour, caring for a plant or pet, taking up a hobby or learning something new can bring structure and meaning back into everyday life. Establishing small routines, such as a morning coffee ritual or an evening walk, can also provide stability.
She advises parents to acknowledge the sensory side of the separation too – missing a child’s voice, presence or familiar scent is normal. At the same time, parents should resist making major life decisions while emotions are still raw and instead focus on their own health, fitness and interests.
Loneliness can be eased by deliberately staying connected with friends, family and partners, while agreeing regular calls and visits with their child can provide reassurance.
Thompson also urges parents not to make their children feel guilty about leaving. If feelings of sadness remain overwhelming after four to six weeks, seeking support from trusted people or a GP can be an important next step.
