Dearest Readers, The feeling when our hopes and expectations become unaligned with reality, a feeling felt deep within out being – This is disappointment.
A complex and often confusing feeling that somehow seems to manage to linger and re-enter our thoughts at times when we are least expecting it. Disappointment is an uncomfortable feeling that we all experience but why is it that for some of us disappointment seems to manifest itself into more? Far too many of us direct our feelings of disappointment inwards, attributing these negative experiences to personal weaknesses. We blame ourselves, feel embarrassed or ashamed for others and ourselves to see that we have fallen short of our ideal self-image.
Our internal narrative whispers: “You didn’t deserve that anyway”
QUESTION: I want you to take a moment to think about a time when you experienced your first deep disappointment, what occurred, how did it make you feel, and how did you respond?
I have (at a surface level) divided our experience of disappointment into 3 types. Is there one that you relate to most when thinking about your answer to the question above?
- Avoid by underachievement.
By avoiding disappointment all together, surprisingly it does not lead to increased happiness but in reality, it will bring you nothing more than mediocre or for others the stress of achieving perfection.
- Avoid by overachievement.
With the bar set too high, it can often be forgotten that perfectionism rarely creates perfectin, or happiness — instead, it too often leads to disappointment.
- Avoid by acceptance.
These individuals accept that disappointment is part of the process, an inevitability that setbacks are a part of the journey.
How to better manage disappointment and stop feeling stuck
While it is helpful for us to know which way we experience disappointment, it does not mean that we are categorised in this way forever. What if I told you there were ways you could manage your disappointment and turn them into lessons learnt rather than lessons lost?
- Accept how you feel – Disappointment is painful and that’s okay, it feels the same to everyone.
- Stop internalising the disappointment. This disappointing occurrence does not label you as a disappointment (unless you choose to label on yourself).
- You can learn from these experiences; it is showing you a lesson and only if you choose to recognise this will you be able to learn valuable things about yourself.
- Remind yourself: disappointment is an inevitable risk you go outside of your comfort zone.Everyone who is now successful, and you may look up to have had their share of disappointments and failures in their journey to the top.
- By not allowing the disappointment out into the open you will keep yourself “stuck”. By doing this you may not see when your next opportunity passes you by.
How not ruminate and lose focus.
If you feel yourself getting caught up in your feelings of disappointment, take some time to yourself. Break your habit of rumination by using this time to really sit and unpack why the experience still feels heavy to you. Acknowledging this will help you let it go.
On my socials you will find some guided mediations, the shortest being just 1 minute. If you feel your mind wandering and yourself losing focus, just take 1 minute to listen, let them regain your focus and put you back on track.
For more tips and tools download your free e-book ‘Just in time’, tune into Saha Mindset podcast on Spotify and follow me on FB (Mamta Saha), IG (Saha_Mamta) and Youtube (Mamta Saha). Talk to me anytime: [email protected]
As always, I wish you peace and happiness.
