Too often, we speak about someone’s mistake to everyone else—except the person who made it. This happens in offices, families, and among friends, and it is a sure recipe for damaging trust and relationships.
Everyone makes mistakes at some point in life. But if we discover that others are discussing our errors behind our backs, our natural reaction is: Why didn’t you tell me directly? No one likes their weaknesses or faults to become topics of gossip.
In a workplace, for example, imagine an employee missing a critical project deadline. Instead of speaking directly to the person, the manager vents frustrations to other team members. This not only demoralises the employee when they eventually hear about it, but also fuels office politics. A better approach is to sit down with the concerned person, explain the impact of the delay, and work together on avoiding a repeat. This direct, solution-focused method preserves dignity and fosters accountability.
Of course, some people do not take criticism well. Superiors may avoid confronting them to escape an uncomfortable scene, choosing instead to discuss the matter with others. But for the good of the organisation, the issue must be addressed directly—whether through a calm discussion, a formal reprimand, or an official memo. The key is to keep the conversation between the parties involved.
The same principle applies in families and friendships. Back-channel complaints can create rifts that last for years. If a family member forgets an important responsibility, it is better to talk privately with them rather than criticising them to others. If others must be informed, do so carefully, with a clear agreement to keep the matter private.
By addressing the concerned person directly, whether a colleague, a family member, or a friend, we create a culture of trust, respect, and openness. If the first attempt fails, there may be a need to escalate through formal channels or involve others, but the first step should always be a personal, honest conversation.
Therefore, at the first stage at least, we should tell the person who made the mistake.
