We cling tightly to life, its processes and outcomes. Our desire to control everything in life comes from our insecurity and possessiveness. Falsely believing that if we don't control everything, life will go haywire, we make it rather inflexible. Because of this assumption, we tend to prevent life from moving in its natural course. This results in the expectation of certain outcomes. When it doesn't happen, we get frustrated.
No one knows what is going to happen the next moment, but still, we plan for a hundred years of life. Not only our life, but also that of our family members. What my son should do when he grows up, to whom my daughter should marry, whether my wife should take up a job or not - we try to overthink all these decisions. Rather, we should wait for life to unfold options and make a decision accordingly. We feel the pain of disappointment. This is because we tend to hold life tightly, rather than just letting it be.
Holding life tightly causes frustration. It only results in pain. A river best flows in its natural course. If you try to change her course, you have to make many efforts and arrangements. It may still be possible for the river to flow in a direction we decide for it, but it is impossible to guide life by our decisions and intentions. Life is not to be made; it is to be lived. It is no 'do' or 'make' verbs that apply to life, but 'be' is the most appropriate verb to describe it as a state, as a process. It is what it is, and is best lived in that form, in that spirit.
Bhagawan Krishna says in
Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Verse 51:
कर्मजं बुद्धियुक्ता हि फलं त्यक्त्वा मनीषिण: |
जन्मबन्धविनिर्मुक्ता: पदं गच्छन्त्यनामयम् ||
Translation: The wise, endowed with equanimity of intellect, abandon attachment to the fruits of actions, which bind one to the cycle of life and death. By working in such consciousness, they attain the state beyond all suffering.
Life becomes beautiful and enjoyable when we accept it as it comes. Therefore, as per Krishna, one should abandon all attachment to the fruits of actions and stop predicting or planning life beyond certain limits. Because just by letting it go, you hold it closer. But by caging it, you lose control over it. The way you cannot hold sand tightly in your fist, a similar attempt to hold life tightly will result in losing it. Khalil Gibran, in The Prophet, elaborates this aspect further:
"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."
A dancer dances well when she allows her body to perform with grace, not by forcing it. So is life. Let it be graceful in its flow, and you will see neither pain nor pleasure affects you as much. You gain control in life by giving up, by just watching things happen as they do. Rather than making things happen, just witness them, acknowledge them. Neither discard them, nor try to own them. Just let them happen. Such uncontrolled control over life will give you true flexibility to manoeuvre through its various stages.
When you allow yourself this much flexibility in life, you automatically reduce strain. Since you are no longer trying to make things, but let things be, your strain of not being able to manage life goes away. It not only gives you more options to handle situations when they happen, but also allows life to present you with more opportunities.
Remembering the fact that nothing is permanent in the universe, your acceptance of impermanence offers more freedom in life. This takes you out of a stressful approach towards life and presents you with graceful living. Why cling to stress when you can enjoy everything with grace?
Elixir:
When you try to control life, it becomes stressful, but by allowing flexibility and freedom, your life becomes graceful.
