When disagreements arise with family members or friends, they often escalate into arguments. Yet we know that arguing rarely solves anything; instead, it deepens divides and leaves matters unresolved. A far more effective approach is to ask the right kind of questions.
For example, instead of saying, “You didn’t maintain your promised timeline,” one could simply ask, “Did you complete the work within the agreed time?” Similarly, rather than blaming someone for poor quality, you might ask, “Was the outcome acceptable to the authorities?” By turning accusations into questions, you avoid sounding judgmental and allow the other person to reflect on their own actions.
This approach has two benefits:
Self-realisation for the other person – When they answer, they acknowledge the truth themselves rather than being cornered by blame.
Clarity for you – Their genuine response may reveal information you didn’t know, helping correct any misperceptions.
To make this work, two things are essential:
Ask in the right tone and spirit – The questions must come without bias or preconceived judgment. A curious, open mind leads to honest exchanges.
Listen intently – Listening is not about preparing your counter-argument while the other person speaks. It means giving full attention, absorbing their words, and refraining from unnecessary interruptions or rebuttals. Often, no counter is even needed. A sincere answer can speak for itself, opening up perspectives for both sides.
By replacing statements with thoughtful questions, you shift the conversation from confrontation to reflection. This not only avoids unnecessary arguments but also helps both parties discover their share of truth. In most cases, the outcome is an amicable resolution—and a stronger relationship.
