As a part of the Golden jubilee celebration of Gujarat Samachar, ABPL group had organised a special zoom event on 16th April 2023 to commemorate the phenomenal contribution, achievements and success of British Asian women along with the challenges faced by them and solutions to it. The event highlighted topics such as mental health, loneliness & isolation, gender inequality and domestic violence faced by women in day-to-day life.
The two-hour programme was moderated by Krishna Pujara, a well-known women leader and CEO of Enfield Saheli. Councillor Rekha Shah, Dr. Menaca Pothalingam, Mamta Tolia, Geeta Shah, Payal Patel, Rashmi Mishra, Kanti Nagda MBE and Kokila Patel were the expert’s speakers for the event. The evening was made by Bharti Patel's melodic songs.
During the event, Chairman and Editor-in-Chief, C.B Patel said, “We have a responsibility, and we want to make sure that we don’t mainly live in a male dominated world. Women must have equal say. The majority of prominent editors at Asian Voice and Gujarat Samachar during the past 50 years have been women. In Gujarat Samachar, Jyotsanaben Shah and Kokilaben Patel, as well as Rupanjana Dutta from Asian Voice, are at the helm of the show. We have put to practice what we preach.”
Social work, life experiences and mental health
Harrow Councillor, Rekha Shah said, “I have been a Councillor for over 20 years, working in the community and of course Harrow council. My work started 25 years ago, when Navin (her husband) was already a Councillor at that time. I have extensive knowledge in the field of mental health because I worked in it for 22 years. It also aided me in my duties as a Council Member. As a Councillor, you will interact with a variety of people, and any issue, including one involving housing, education, planning, environment, etc., may arise. And I've done everything I can to assist them.”
Talking about challenges she faced while working, Rekha Shah said that “Since domestic violence instances are prevalent in Harrow and Brent, I have dealt with those challenges. You make an effort to assist those who seek your assistance and members of the community. Families themselves have difficulties because they refuse to acknowledge what's happening in their own home. They only state that you are lying and that you must gather proof. To determine whether the case has been fully handled, we even visit their locations after it has been concluded.”
Speaking about life experiences, leadership consultant for Healthcare Professionals, Dr. Menaca Pothalingam said, “I think every experience you have had in your life, if you want to learn from it, reflect on it, and take the opportunity, because you're always on a fork road. I always say the opportunities I like a bit, it means saving, it's at half glass full or half empty. I disagree. I think the empty glass has a lot of air in it. And opportunities are a bit like that. Only thing is we need a microscope to look for them. We are often so busy looking at the closed doors behind us and usually miss the door, which is right in front of us.”
Talking about her own struggles with mental health, she said, “At one point, I was diagnosed with depression, I was seen as a very successful woman at that time. A nice car, nice holidays that what people see, but behind the scene, nobody knows the fact. So I think it's important to choose to be kind, regardless of who it is that they have, because you don't know the story behind anybody. When I was signed off for depression, I took time off from work. And that raised me the question: - Is this enough? What is the purpose of my life and what I want to do? Hence I started my personal development journey. I became a hypnotherapist and NLP trainer and did leadership coaching.”
She added “During Covid, I decided to help people like everybody else. And I was thinking about what I can do. I started my talk show called “Meet Menaca” where I spoke from mental health to heart to respiratory to kidney, because we don't typically shy away from talking about things, I believe that all the issues that have been discussed - including domestic violence, sexual abuse, the caste system in Asia and single parenting - should be addressed openly. So I always say I have crossed the treaties, that unfortunately, being a war victim, but also the divorcee or diagnosed with depression. I don't shy away from it, hoping it will help somebody else to think okay, even if they can achieve whatever they want.”
Addressing the mental health issues and how to tackle it, Mamta Tolia, a Senior Customer Service Representative at Virgin Atlantic Airways said, “I also have a lot of interest in arts and crafts. I was introduced to it by my mother and my sister which has helped a lot to deal with day to day stress and anxieties. Emotional, psychological, and social well being are all components of mental health. And if these things aren't under check, they can cause financial issues like debt, job loss, marital troubles, divorce, and family disagreements.”
She added, “It also affects the way we think, how we feel and act and relates to how we deal with stress, behave with other people and how we make healthy choices. Because when we are going through mental health issues, we don't make healthy choices. We are so down and depressed, that we often do things that we shouldn't really be doing.”
Talking about mental illness at work, she said, “We are often unaware that many of our co-workers are dealing with it. You might notice someone losing weight and becoming silent because it's not evident. Frequently missing work or taking time off without obvious cause, or acting very strangely. So, even when you're struggling, reach out to your co-workers to find a solution. Reach out to a dependable, reliable co-worker who you know you can trust and who will be a good confidante. Even your company and boss have options you can use if you need assistance. Numerous organisations are available to aid as well. The people we live with and our neighbours are also the most crucial aspect of everything; kindly get in touch with them as well.”
Interactive session with participants
One of the participant Deshveen Kaur Mangat, questioned about how young women should take up sports or any kind of physical activity to deal with mental health issues, Mamta Tolia said, “Because when you exercise many hormones are released mainly the happy hormones, which helps you to feel better, even if it's for a short period of time, it's something that I would definitely say is a fantastic way of dealing with depression. And exercise doesn't mean you have to go and join a gym or anything like that.”
Dr. Menaca Pothalingam answering to the same question said, “I think sometimes sports are not encouraged as much as they should. But I do also totally agree that, any form of sports, dance, yoga, even walking, you don't have to go to the gym; there's enough research to show that just walking is enough. Maybe, we could just make our family friends or our neighbours group to get together and go for a walk at least once a week.”
When asked by a participant about how to express ourselves or when is the time to know that somebody needs help, Dr. Pothalingam answered, “We are told not to share things, everything has to be kept indefinitely within the four walls. So I totally resonate with it. And I think it is part of the bigger problem. We are not encouraged to talk and even when we are encouraged, even you're talking about mental health, but domestic violence, because I do a lot of community activity and I am involved in charities, I know it is exactly the same problem. Everyone wants to appear as though their life is prospering, especially in this day of social media and digital media. And everybody is in a perfect relationship. Returning to emotional health, it puts additional pressure on other people. It is crucial to start talking about this issue. You see, until we start talking about this issue widely and raising awareness of the issue, whether it is through talk shows, charities or organisations, no matter what, nothing will change. It's not going anywhere, ever.”
Councillor Rekha Shah added, “I've always encouraged sports to my children, because I have worked with every provision and I always advise you should support your children to go and learn on the way here. We have so many evening classes after school and they do sports in the school as well. My granddaughter goes twice a week. So you just have to encourage your children, send them out and join everyone. And walking of course, the other thing I do always say when you go for a walk, even if you go with friends or you're on your own, your mind is at rest, and it helps quite a lot.”
Should I be a homemaker or working woman?
Software Quality Analyst, Payal Patel said, “I'm talking about a question which actually bothers every movement at a certain stage, which is like should I be a homemaker or pursue a career? Now there is no right or wrong question. Both are equally important. Nothing is more important than anything else. Furthermore, it relies on our own circumstances or personal preference. However, if you were to ask me, I would respond, "Why can't you be both?" We are more than capable of handling both situations expertly.”
She added, “It is not a piece of cake to handle both the things, but it is possible. But it is not as difficult as we think, or we make it in our heads. It is achievable. And I'll give you my personal example. After my first child, I took a nine years break from work. After that I decided it is high time my kids are big enough, they can manage themselves. So I planned to get back into work. And now I have been working in the IT industry successfully for five years. And this all has not been possible without my family support. We are prepared to give up our careers after having children in order to spend time with them. However, we do want to go out because, as you indicated, loneliness and mental health have an impact on everything. Therefore, even if we go somewhere and you work, it doesn't necessarily indicate that I'm making money; it may be volunteer work or social work.”
Talking about getting back to the work, Mrs Patel said, “The very first thing which we did is we created an environment in a house where everybody understood why is it important for me to go out and work as a family? What are we going to do? How are we going to share our responsibilities? How are we going to plan the work, the kids drop off, the child minding, work hours, what field I want to go, even the kids were brought into the picture, they had to understand because my decision was not just going to affect me, it was going to affect the whole family, the elders in the family, my husband, my kids, everything was going to be affected. So that's the very first thing we did. The second lesson was learning about the field in which I must work. That is not simple. If I took a nine-year hiatus, I must have lost touch with the outside industry. I therefore started off by engaging in some volunteer work. I volunteered to work as a teaching assistant in school. Then I looked around a bit. I then said, "I decided which field I want to go into. I gained some industry information and self-prepared so that when I enter the field, I'll be prepared for the challenges there. The most crucial aspect is that we must be conscious of ourselves.”
She added, “There is a big wild world and there are many challenges after we go into the work and right now, even if you have read some government articles, you see that there is a gender pay gap and that is a reality. It is a difference between the average earnings between a man and a woman and in the UK it is right now. And if we say the number of days, women are working two extra months for free as compared to men and how can there be gender pay gap? Even when people are working in the same position, they move at a different speed than if two persons in the same position were paid equally. But compared to males, the government is expected to work harder. There are numerous methods for things to occur.
Speaking about harassment and responsibilities in the workplace, she said “In the workplace, there have been cases of bullying and harassment. Some of them are properly recorded, while others are not. We ladies are reluctant to speak up because, as one woman put it, we are unsure of where to go and talk. Only when we are honest and vocal about our problems will they be resolved. We women always run into trouble when there are examples of promotion.
There is bias towards women. If there are two people ready for promotion, a man and a woman, there are many companies in which there is still an option for men to go ahead and be promoted and not a woman. Again, people think they have two responsibilities, they need more work life balance, and they have their own responsibilities. So they are not given that fair chance of promotion. And the government has admitted that gender discrimination exists everywhere, not just in the United Kingdom. As a result, they addressed the issue in the equalities act of 2010. They have described the numerous forms of discrimination against women, how it occurs, and the places in which it occurs. They have also stated that they are working to end it, as are all businesses. If you go to the government websites, now any registered company on stock market events, they have their gender pay gap added to what the company is doing towards it, and companies are now legally bound to work towards it.”
Issues that come across media and its solution
Kokila Patel, Managing Editor of Gujarat Samachar, said, “In 38 years of my experience in print media, we have come across various issues such as domestic violence, adultery, abuse, loneliness etc. We have always helped to solve these problems. Many elderlies who face physical and mental abuse contact us and we create awareness about this issues by publishing articles in our newspapers. We should spend some time with us lonely, disable and needy old age people nearby us. Therefore, we advise you to take the time to get in touch with them. One of the speakers also shared with us what we can do during menopause or after retiring to fight mental stress. Many women are now joining golf now a days, which is a great sport to play and isn't just limited for men. After 40 or 50 years, many women are now playing golf. We even have a group of female golfers who play with the intention of connecting with others. So, you get mind therapy, you also enter your mind or your heart and also your mind will be helped become healthy.”
Anonymous group 76 ladies helping domestic violence victims
Rashmi Mishra, Director of Inspiring Indian Women said, “It's a major problem in the UK, particularly with regards to recent events that we had to deal with. Simply because the woman acted in self defence, you know, she was imprisoned. And the circumstances were truly awful. She cried vehemently all night long. Additionally, we have a group of ladies who encourage one another because we keep them in a private, closed-door setting. And it's simply private because we don't want anyone to know that we're a part of that group and because some of the women want to remain anonymous because they don't want the abuse they've experienced to be made public. As a result, nearly 76 women present in the group just give support to one another as they go through the same experience. The major goal of the group is to help each other when someone vents about something that happened to them. Since most of the group members have been in a similar position, they may offer advice based on their own experiences. Additionally, we have solicitors, some of them are from the refugee centres; however, as we lack training, they all work together to help one another.”
She added, “What are the laws available? How to support oneself? What are the job opportunities with child or without a child and what else one can do and what are the options available for Indian citizens in such a situation? What are the options, so people don't know much and how to deal in such a situation? Therefore, more information should be shared. We all need to be aware of essential numbers, who to contact and how to proceed with things like that.”
Loneliness and isolation among women
Founder of W2W, Geetaben Shah said, “I developed the W2W platform to combat loneliness. I know what loneliness feels. I went through a divorce. No one wanted to get to know me since I had young children. And joining anything was incredibly challenging. So I started a group of ladies as soon as I figured out how to use social media. And everything has been working out well. And from this year, we've started registrations, they were 1,000 plus members.
There were 35+ WhatsApp groups. And they deal with everything, whether it's health or work. We have organised Bhajans and it has helped a lot in the pandemic. This way, people did not feel so despondent because we were in a totally new world which also helped with their mental health.”
Domestic violence and immigration issues
Kanti Nagda MBE, CEO of Sangat Centre said, “I will say domestic violence is not only physical violence, but mental torture, emotional and economic abuse as well as cohesive control. Domestic violence is common among us like in any other communities. The Asian women still think of what the others would say about them, if their story became public. And we deal with cases of domestic violence as well as immigration. There are a high percentage of cases and I would break down domestic violence into two categories. First one, women already settled in the UK, and do not have to worry about their immigration status or welfare benefits for that matter. Today's women should pick up the courage and stand against the violence, as they have the earning power. A woman should not allow their husbands to control them, and would ask their husbands to pick up the bags and leave the house. They prepare themselves for the consequences. Then there are other women who have restrictions on their stay in the UK and they suffer violence as well. Husbands of such women take advantage of the situation and these women have no recourse to public funds; they cannot get accommodation, benefit, or job. They cannot rent a room or a house. It's illegal. And they don't have a right to public recourse. We have dealt with many such cases that come to us if they have evidence of violence. Or we ask them to apply to the home office for indefinite leave to remain in the UK on the basis of domestic violence. We have had 80% success in this type of case. If I give you more figures than 1.5 million women in the UK suffer domestic violence each year.”
He added, “Two women were killed by their partner or former partners in the UK, it was very frightening. Because of these facts, the government passed the Domestic Abuse Act of 2021, which for the first time defines domestic abuse in law. In order to seek indefinite permission to remain in the UK, the ladies must first have all the evidence. So, if a friend or a family member of yours is a victim of domestic abuse, I advise you to encourage them to save all relevant documentation, such as police reports, GPS tracking devices, or medical records. Evidence from someone who has witnessed the abuse without evidence the home office will not accept your word for it.”
During the conclusion of the event, Group editor, Mahesh Liloriya said, “As we learn more, women continue to make significant progress and excel in every sector. But despite all the progress, women still confront challenges. Women leaders and business owners frequently balance obligations related to their careers with those related to their families, and women still find it difficult to make as much money as males. Gender equality is not only a fundamental human right, but a necessary foundation for a peaceful, prosperous and sustainable world. So this event is just a starting, we are going to organise a series of events, virtual events, in person talk shows and many more. With the support from all of you, all of the Nari Shakti and all of our mentors, we definitely will continue these types of things in our golden jubilee celebrations under the guidance of CB sir.”
Bharti Patel entertained the participants with bhajans and gujarati folk songs in her melodious voice during the zoom event. Krishna Pujara ended the programme by thanking all the key speakers and participants for making the evening successful. A series of such similar zoom events on a variant subjects related to the British Asian community will be organised throughout the year.
