In modern relationships, the idea of a romantic partner also being a best friend has gained widespread appeal. From social media posts romanticising "marrying your best friend" to relationship experts emphasising deep emotional connection, many believe that a strong friendship is the foundation of lasting love. But is it always a good thing?
While having a partner who understands you like a best friend can foster emotional security, trust, and shared joy, it can also blur boundaries, create unrealistic expectations, and potentially stifle external friendships. Some argue that expecting one person to fulfil all roles—lover, confidant, and best friend—places too much pressure on a relationship.
So, should your partner be your best friend? To help navigate this question, we spoke to Raisa Luther, a clinical psychologist, to explore the benefits and drawbacks of intertwining romance with deep friendship.
The pros of a partner who is also a best friend
Many people believe their romantic partner should also be their best friend. But is it healthy to expect a partner to fulfil both emotional and companionship needs typically met by a best friend?
Luther explained, "While there are elements of companionship that naturally develop in long-term relationships, it’s not always the best idea to expect your romantic partner to be your ‘best friend.’ This may place too much implicit pressure on the partner to fulfil multiple roles and needs typically met by other people in the wider social circle. It’s also important for couples to have other fulfilling friendships outside of the relationship to maintain a sense of perspective, especially in a long-term partnership where boundaries naturally blur."
One of the clear benefits of a strong friendship within a relationship is improved communication and conflict resolution. "Couples who invest in the ‘friendship’ aspect of their romantic relationship tend to develop better ways of resolving conflicts and communicating," Luther said.
"There’s nothing wrong with being great friends—some of the healthiest relationships I know naturally develop a deep friendship over time", she added.
The potential pitfalls of relying too much on your partner
While a strong friendship can be beneficial, Luther warns that trying to create a ‘best friend’ dynamic may lead to unhealthy dependency. "Relying too much on a partner for emotional support can create an imbalance in the relationship. This can put immense pressure on one person to be the sole provider of emotional stability, leaving little room for external friendships and other social interactions."
Over-reliance on a partner can also lead to disappointment when they cannot meet every need. Some signs that someone may be overburdening their partner with expectations meant for a broader social circle include:
- Solely relying on their partner for social support and interaction
- Limiting all social interactions to situations they can show up as a couple
- Expecting their partner to fulfil multiple roles at once (friend, romantic partner, housemate) and getting frequently disappointed when their expectations aren’t met
- Struggling to find a sense of social identity outside of the being a part of the relationship
- Becoming jealous when their significant other goes away to do things with other people, and subsequently creating conflict that brings the focus back to them
Finding the right balance
Rather than seeing the question as a simple yes or no, Luther encourages couples to find a balance that works for them. "I like to think of relationships as a dance, with both partners moving in harmony to create a balance that suits them. There’s no universal rule—what matters is that both partners feel supported without feeling overwhelmed."
For couples seeking to strengthen their relationship while maintaining independence, she suggests fostering a supportive but not all-consuming dynamic. "Encourage friendships outside of the relationship, maintain hobbies and interests that are separate from your partner’s, and set healthy boundaries so that neither partner feels solely responsible for the other’s emotional well-being."
Ultimately, every couple is different, and what works best depends on individual dynamics. The key is to foster emotional closeness without losing the sense of self and external social connections that make relationships truly enriching.
