A survey in Britain has revealed that one in seven couples face difficulties conceiving. Reasons for this are many. Age is an important factor. It is scientifically believed that bearing a child becomes riskier for women after 40. What is worth noticing is that a few years back, the age limit was considered to be 30. Once a female crosses the age of 45, the natural process of menopause begins. The level of oestrogen in the body begins to deteriorate which results in menopause. In Britain, on an average, a female is expected to experience the process after the age of 51. However, one in 100 cases could be such where the female experiences menopause at the age of 40 or even earlier. One such person is Panna Vekaria of the Kutchi Patel community.
Daughter of social activist and businessman Arjanbhai Vekaria, those who know Panna, know her as an outgoing, smart woman who matched shoulders with her father. She has always been active within the community, and also in her family business. I recently met Panna after a long time at her mother Jayaben's house in Wembley, only to find a beautiful child on her lap. Surprised, I asked her when she married. “This IS my daughter, but I am not married,” Panna replied without so much as a flinch. My curiosity was peeked.
Panna elaborated her story. “I have always been active in our Park Royal-based family business, along with my dad and, uncle Shashikantbhai. During our meetings in even cold winters, I would find myself feeling extremely hot, and sweating profusely. I would sit under the table and fan myself with a paper. When this began to happen frequently, I talked to my father about it. After a brief medical examination, I was informed that I was experiencing menopause at the age of 34. Women have been taught the topic is taboo, I instantly discussed the issue with my father. I knew achieving motherhood after menopause is impossible. I had no partner then, and while finding a right match wasn't very difficult, the fear of not being able to bear a child after marriage was constant and high in my head. I discussed every possibility with my father, who I have grown to see as my friend, and finally sought his permission to find a sperm donor and fertilise my eggs to bear a child. That wasn't the time to think what people would say. Time was slipping from between my fingers.”
In the past couple of decades, single parenting has become just as common as a conventional family. As tough as the responsibility is for a single person to bring up a child, today's woman is stronger and has definite grit to take up the task on their own self. The advancement of technology has brought along various ways of conceiving a child. Techniques like IVF, surrogacy, sperm donation, the methods are distinct and approachable.
Afflicted by her father's sudden death, Panna suffers through ectopic pregnancy
“After my father's approval, I began to take hormone stimulate medicines. It was during that time that time that I lost him, my dearest father. The sudden loss came as a shock and left me broken from within. It took me some time to come out of that dark time. After recovery, I went to a clinic for treatment in central London. After finding a sperm donor, I tried fertility treatment twice. One was a miscarriage. In May 2016, I experienced an ectopic pregnancy. In such pregnancy, the fertilised egg implants outside the uterus,” Panna said.
“I went to a leading hospital in central London for a keyhole surgery, with which, my doctor removed my Fallopian Tube. The process was necessary and if I had opted out of it, my life would have been in immense danger. After the operation, I came home and was in the washroom, when I felt something fall in the toilet. Scared witless, I searched on the internet and found that after a miscarriage, waste of the human body is pushed out.”
“I would like to point out that I paid for all my treatments with my own money, and did not reach out to my mother for financial aid. The ectopic pregnancy left my heart aching. I often thought how there are people in the world who never want children and yet have them, while despite my efforts, God is not blessing me with one.”
“It was during this period that one of my sister Khyati's friends suggested me to get an Arvigo therapy from a therapist in London. The therapy taught women how to massage the abdomen, and head, along with a special herbal steam. During that period, I went to buy crystal for myself and learnt about crystal therapy. Gradually, my emotional strength was increasing. In talks with one of my friends about surrogacy and adoption, we came across a fertility clinic in Spain on the internet. After an inquiry, I received a positive response from the clinic. They asked me to come over as soon as I am ready.”
Spain completes Panna's dream of motherhood
“In August 2016, I reached Spain, and stayed there for three days. They used a syringe to take eggs out of my ovaries, then looked for a donor. They asked me what kind of child I want. I told them I wanted a tall donor. They asked for my family photo. The clinic finds you a donor matching your family. After finding a suitable donor, they fertilise your eggs with the sperm in a laboratory, specially six to eight eggs.
The eggs take one to two weeks to fertilise. During that period, you have to take medicines to increase your hormones. Along with the medication, they give you constant guidance. Once your eggs are properly fertilised with the eggs, they call you back. During that time, they ask you whether you want one fertilised egg or two. I wanted twins, however, only one of my eggs grew.”
When I asked Panna whether she had to live in Spain after they plant the eggs, she said, “I would take a flight from London to go to the clinic, and return home in an evening flight.” I further asked her how the donor's sperm along with the fertilised eggs are placed in the womb. She replied, “They place the eggs in your uterus in a highly sterilised laboratory. You cannot put on any kind of make up or perfume at that time. They show you the fertilised eggs through a microscope that they will put in your uterus. The sight of my future child in that petri-dish is something I can't describe. They they put the eggs through your vagina, into your uterus. I remember constantly chanting Hanuman Chalisa, when the procedure was going on.”
Message of God in her child
“Once I got a positive result, I went for a vacation. At the end of September, I went to a clinic in Harley Street, London, for a scan, and heard my baby breathing. My mother was unaware of what was going on with me. After my third month, my sister and I, we took her to the clinic and gave her the surprise. I was diabetic during the pregnancy, so took utmost care in my diet. I wanted a natural delivery for my child, however, that wasn't possible for me.”
“Due to minor complications I was admitted to the hospital before the due date on the day of the Westminster terror attack, so all doctors were busy in A&E. With a due date for April, my beautiful princess was born via caesarean section on March 23, 2017, on the date my father died, November 23, 2013. I still remember the moment when the midwife put her in my arms. That night, I was lay alone in my hospital bed, wondering what to name my child as per her zodiac. Searching through Google, I found the Sanskrit name Khevna, and decided to name my daughter Khevna (Wish) Arjani (Pure) Vekaria.
A complete family for Khevna
Khevna will complete one year in March. She is an active child, fluttering between her grandmother Jayaben, Panna, and I. When she picked something off the ground and put it in her mouth, Panna asked her in pure Kutchi language, “What did you put in your mouth?” Khevna replied in her own baby gibberish and at that moment, her innocence felt enough to melt an iceberg.
Panna is as expected, a diligent mother. She takes her daughter for all kinds of activities like swimming and Baby Sensory. A blessing to her family, the little one is showered with love from all her relatives and immediate family. Not only her present, Panna has already prepared for her future, storing stem cells for her daughter. When asked if she doesn't desire to marry, Panna said, “I have always wanted to marry, and still do. However unfortunately, my biological clock was ticking fast and I had to do something about it.” Riding high on the magic of motherhood, Panna also expressed her desire to bear another child, and has frozen her eggs for the same.
