On 14th July 2015, Karma Nirvana, in partnership with the Cosmopolitan will be marking a Day of Memory for victims of Honour Killings. This will be the first-ever annual memory day for the victims.
Karma Nirvana is a UK registered charity that has been supporting victims of honour crimes and forced marriages since 1993. It was established by Jasvinder Sanghera CBE, a survivor of forced marriage and honour-based abuse.
A day of memory will be held each year on the 14th July, which marks the birth anniversary of Shafilea Ahmed, who was a victim of honour-based crime and sadly lost her life at the age of 17, in 2003. She would have been celebrating her 29th birthday this year, had her parents not suffocated her for bringing “shame” on her family.
The UK charity, Refuge, will also be holding their first annual day of remembrance for those killed in honour crimes. The day will be called Britain's Lost Women Day.
According to the statistics stated on the Karma Nirvana website, an estimated 5,000 women across the globe are killed each year in the name of honour. The figure could be argued as not many cases are reported as honour-based crimes. In an interview in 2014, Jasvinder Sanghera had stated that forced marriages in the UK are above 100,000. She also said that the victims who call Karma Nirvana for help are approximately 65% from the British-Pakistani and Indian communities, mostly Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus. Furthermore, the majority of the female victims are aged between 14 and 24.
Honour-based crimes also affect men, especially gay men who get accused of bringing “shame” on their families.
There are many survivors who were victims of such heinous crimes. Although they may have managed to escape and they try to lead a normal life, the scars of their past continues to haunt them. One such example is Rena*, who spoke exclusively to Asian Voice about her past, her traumatic experiences, as well as her hope for the future.
Rena was just like any ordinary 19-year-old. She was studying for her A Levels when she was made to marry her cousin from Pakistan, in 2003. Rena had felt the need to conform to her parents to keep them happy, although she was unhappy from within. Rena said, “I wanted to conform to my parents to keep them happier… I knew nothing about the person before I got married to him except for the fact that he was my uncle’s son.”
Even after several attempts to accept what was happening with her, Rena was unable to be happy. “I knew I didn’t love this person but I had to make a go of it for the sake of making sure that my parents and the relationship between them and the family was solid. I was always told that if anything happened, I would be made responsible. I knew exactly where I stood from day one.”
But things got bad to worse for Rena. Her first child was 2 years old and she was expecting her second baby when suddenly she saw the turbulent change in her husband’s behaviour. He would become violent and hit her for no apparent reason. She tried telling her parents but to no avail; they refused to see the bad in him and kept reminding her of all the good things he had done for her.
Rena explained, “For seven years, I put up with it in my life. And I did it because of the sake of keeping the ‘honour’ in the family, so that people wouldn’t say a thing to my father, so people wouldn’t say a thing to my mother.”
After leaving her marital home, Rena went to a refuge, where she stayed for two to three months. She was not aware of Karma Nirvana during her time of turmoil. “I wish I had gone to them [Karma Nirvana] in advance because it would have been a massive, massive help.”
Not many police officers were aware of honour-based crimes at the time and many would struggle with comprehending the concept of it even being a crime. Rena said, “The police weren’t aware of what honour-based abuse was. There was only one woman that I knew who knew a little bit about honour-based abuse.”
Rena went through with the divorce, much to the dismay of her parents who felt that she ought to reconcile and make things work. However, Rena seems optimistic about her future. She has found love and is willing to give life a second chance. “He is somebody I’ve chosen; he is somebody who I think is going to be a good role model. He very much understands my situation.”
Her message to women who are going through what she had once faced is, “If you want to say no, say it now, before it’s too late because if you get to that situation, or are in that situation, you’ve still got time. No religion condones this… force marriage is not allowed, it is forbidden.”
Another example is of Priya* who was forced to marry her first-cousin in Bangladesh. She was isolated, forced to leave education and lead a life of domestic servitude. She was unhappy in her marriage and would face the wrath of her husband and in-laws daily, who would threaten to kill her.
Priya informed her parents about what was happening, but they suggested that she remain with him as it would harm the family honour is she left. Her family also banned her from returning back to them.
Priya eventually fled and went to Refuge, where they gave her the courage and advice to report the abuse and death threats.
Not many are lucky enough to escape and receive help; they end up losing their lives in the name of honour. Sandra Horley CBE, Chief Executive of the domestic violence charity Refuge said, “It is an utter tragedy that these women died fighting for their right to make choices about their own lives – and that so many women still experience pressure and abuse from their family or community in the name of ‘honour’. Let’s be clear – there is nothing honourable about violence or abuse.”
She further stated, “Women experiencing ‘honour’-based violence must have sufficient protection from emergency services, as well as access to specialist refuge accommodation, advocacy and community support. There is a dire shortage of services for women experiencing domestic violence as it is, but specialist support for women from Black, Asian, minority ethnic or refugee backgrounds is woefully under-provided.”
Honour-based violence can take many forms, including forced marriage, domestic violence (physical, sexual, emotional or financial abuse), sexual harassment and sexual violence (threat of/actual rape and sexual assault), threats to kill, social ostracism/rejection and emotional pressure, denial of access to children, pressure to go or move abroad, house arrest and excessive restrictions on your freedom, as well as the denial of access to the telephone, internet, passport and friends.
Karen Bradley, Minister for Preventing Abuse and Exploitation spoke about the Forced Marriage Unit in the UK and what they do. “We have a Forced Marriage Unit which is set up by the Home Office but it's joint with the Foreign Commonwealth Office... From the UK perspective, the Home Office takes forced marriages very seriously. We have legislated to criminalise force marriage to make the breaking of the force marriage protection order a criminal offence.”
She further stated, “Whilst the laws that we have for forced marriage are about UK citizens and UK nationals, many of the forced marriages do take place overseas. So we need the consular assistance at the Foreign Commonwealth Office can offer to actually find people, to try and stop them from being forced into marriage... help them to know what their rights are...”
On tackling and preventing forced marriages from taking place, Karen Bradley said that it was essential to raise “Awareness”. “We do need people to know that any form of marriage where someone is forced into that marriage and I want to be clear, this is not about arranged marriage. Arrange marriage is where two consensual adults consent freely to the marriage that has been arranged by their family. It is completely legal and not something we are looking at to outlaw.”
Elaborating further on how to tackle this issue, she said, “We need to make sure that all people know about this; that teachers know about the signs, that families understand that there's an outreach programme that the Force Marriage Unit does to get into communities to explain that this is not something that is acceptable.”
Karma Nirvana will be hosting a survivors’ conference on 14th July called, “Can you hear me”. The conference will have women who will speak about their experience of honour-based abuse and forced marriages through conversations in front of an audience. This will also encourage women who are in similar situations to voice out and get help.
There will also be speakers on the day, such as Louise Court, Editor in Chief Cosmopolitan; Baroness Cox; Mayor of New Jersey; Superintendent Geraint Jones, Cheshire Police; and Emily Dyer from Henry Jackson Society.
This event will be a good initiative to get women who are suffering behind closed doors to seek help, as well as give them the courage to walk away for their own safety.
If you would like to donate towards Karma Nirvana, text KNUK10 £5 to 70070. Alternatively, you could visit www.karmanirvana.org.uk and make a donation. #canyouhearme #RememberShafilea
* Names have been changed to protect the identity of the survivors.
