Recognising that it can be difficult to know how to support friends and family, leading bereavement charity, Sue Ryder, has launched a second series of the Grief Kind podcast, hosted by author, journalist and ambassador, Clover Stroud.
GP Dr Amir Khan will be appearing on the third episode of the podcast to delve into his experience of grief aged just 26 after his father died from heart disease, 10 years after being diagnosed with the condition.
He discusses how Muslim traditions, and his South Asian background impacted his experience of grief in both positive and negative ways – from having to become the man of the house, to having a constant flow of visitors offering support in the days and weeks that followed his dad’s death.
Amir says: “Traditionally, and religiously speaking, we're only supposed to grieve for three days in Islam, which I know is really, really prescriptive, and you're supposed to then kind of get on with the rest of your life.”
“One thing that just happens, and you know will happen in most cultures but is particularly heightened in the Asian culture, is that you get an influx of people who come to your house. That influx starts at about 7:00 in the morning, you're not even awake, and it goes on until three or four o'clock at night. So you have the same conversation over and over again, which I found quite- no, it wasn't hard, but I just found it draining.”
He also reflects on the feeling of loss not only for his father, but also the potential for a closer relationship that never had the chance to develop. He talks about the "what-ifs" and longing for a deeper connection with his father: “I'll be honest, it wasn't the best relationship between father and son, but nor was it terrible. It was as expected, I think, for him in that South Asian culture back in the '80s and early '90s.”
“And I wonder whether those kind of complex relationships, when you don't have that really strong bond that you really want with your dad, when you do lose them, it makes it more complex, the loss, I think. And kind of you're grieving not just the loss of the relative, but the loss of the potential that that relationship could have been.”
Dr Khan’s advice would be to ask those grieving how they're feeling, how they're coping, what you can do to help.
