Cheitan Sharma and Abhishek Ray, a gay couple from Kolkata, recently tied the knot in a traditional wedding ceremony on July 3. The couple received unprecedented love and adoration from netizens on this occasion and their photos went viral on social media. Asian Voice exclusively spoke to Chietan and Abhishek about tying the knot, breaking stereotypes and accepting the LGBTQ+ community in South Asian culture.
The festivities began with Ganesh staple in the morning of July 1, followed by the tilak ceremony in the evening. The next day, Mehendi, the engagement and cocktail were organised. On July 3, the Haldi ceremony was organised in the morning and the nuptials took place in the evening.
Acceptance in South Asian culture
Speaking to Asian Voice about acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community in South Asian culture, Abhishek Ray said, “Somewhere deep down the society, the school or college we go to or be it work, wherever we go, we'll look for acceptance. We look for inclusion. We look for being together with people right and the whole fact of discrimination against somebody's sexuality or sexual orientation is actually quite alarming, especially in a country like India.”
Ray believes we need to educate people. “We really need to strike a message somewhere that acts as an eye-opener to not only the general crowd but in general in particular the children who are trying so desperately to identify themselves with alternate sexuality, which is not straight.
“Me and Cheitan have gone through that ordeal when we were growing up. We have been bullied in school for various reasons, probably not complying with the so-called quote-unquote, masculinity terms when a boy growing up in school is expected to play football and cricket. This society has kind of like thrust upon you, which defines our own gender roles. So, both have faced that we have been bullied in school we have been called various names. And you know, and then like, what does a child see when they kind of experiences something like this happening with him at the educational institution, he wants to come back home and probably wants to open up to his parents. So at that front also, if the child thinks that, you know, I can't talk to my mom or dad about this, because then they're also he feels like you know, he is kind of banging his head on a wall. So then it becomes really difficult for him,” Ray told the newsweekly.
Message to South Asian parents
Ray further added, “My message to the parents my message to the families is that the moment you understand that your child is actually a little different from others when it comes to his sexual orientation, accept it. Let him be the way he is. Let him be courageous enough to face the world with his own orientation. And let him choose his own path to be helpful in that rather than confining, trying to confine in the so-called norms set by the society.”
Ray mentioned that Cheitan did have his initial phase where he had to go an extra mile probably in trying to convince his family. Ray believes that when you get that extra additional strength to fight society.
Ray believes in two approaches to help a child who may identify to be LGBTQ+. He said, “Number one, do not make the child conscious about his body language or his choice. In whichever field he is trying to excel in, make him comfortable in his skin. The moment we become all as united all it is your choice it is whether you want to choose boy or girl or transgender or whatever, the moment distinction goes away, I think that will be a milestone. And that is what we should all strive to. So removing our efforts should be in trying to stop distinction, this distinction between somebody straight and somebody is gay, we are all human beings, and that is what counts.”
Not without obstacles
Speaking about getting hitched in India, and not opting to marry abroad (which many LGTBQ+ people do in order to escape societal scrutiny) Cheitan told us, “We both decided we will not go into a run from all types situation because we are very close to our family and friends. Definitely, if there is any career opportunity, we will move abroad, that’s because we definitely want to grow our careers. We are pretty happy with the setup that we have here in India.
Mentioning an imperative practice, that needs to change, Cheitan said, “Like rather than asking ‘do you have a girlfriend or do you have a boyfriend?’ they should ask like ‘do you have a partner?’ Because we don't know who's the partner. If somebody all of a sudden comes to me and asks me ‘how's your wife doing?’, I will be very embarrassed for change right so we need to I think reframe certain things or we need to add a particular thing to our education system that rather than asking, rather than using the gender.”
Love above cultures
Further explaining the journey of marrying Abhishek, Cheitan said, “I'm a Marwari and it was difficult to convince the elders and my parents, but I think they took their time as well. So I think people from our community should not hesitate or should not think about what will happen and how badly they will react. But they should openly tell their parents because it's good for them because they will end up getting married to someone whom they will not be wholeheartedly accepting. Then you are given not be ruining their life but the other person's life also. Just so many examples from our community, people on a family pressure they get married and later on. Maybe they get divorced or perhaps they're in troubled marriages.
“We have to normalise this thing we are in the 21st century and we are still discussing our identity. I think we were the luckiest or you can say we are the blessed one that we are around with, like the good souls or you can say but I think it's an initial struggle that everybody says and I think they need to come out of that zone ASAP. Rather than involving or using or involving themselves into more like situation which was which will lead into more depression.”
Ray and Sharma got massive love from people in Kolkata as well, and they give due credit to the society in the city who embraced their marriage as a celebration of their own. This is reportedly the first gay marriage in Kolkata that has been celebrated throughout the country and abroad by the Indian diaspora, proving ‘love is love’ after all.
