Ayesha Vardag, the founder and President of Vardags, rose to fame in 2010 when she won a high-profile, landmark case which made prenuptial agreements legally enforceable in England and Wales. Since then she has been at the forefront of some of the world’s biggest divorce cases, is featured regularly in the press, and was at the forefront of the campaign for No Fault Divorce, which became law in 2022.
Here’s her exclusive interview with Asian Voice.
Tell us about your background and family.
I grew up with my Scottish grandmother and English mother, spending my childhood in Northumberland and Oxford before studying at Cambridge.
My father came from a royal Indian line of proud Pashtuns and had a distinguished political heritage. My grandmother was from the Lodhi family which ruled Delhi before the Mughals, and my grandfather had been a prominent pro-independence politician during the Raj and was later exiled to Saudi Arabia where he had ambassadorial posts.
My father met my mother, Barbara, early in his career while studying at Magdalen College, Oxford. My mother, a very British, 22-year-old Northumbrian country girl, was working for the city treasury and living with an aunt. They went to parties, danced until dawn and fell wildly in love. She drove across Europe and the Middle East with him and married him en route in Afghanistan. Once they arrived in Pakistan, things were not as he had told her they would be. Stricken with amoebic dysentery, pregnant, devastated and alone, she borrowed money from one of his friends and came home to her parents in Northumberland to have me.
My father went into politics in his own right and became the youngest senator Pakistan had known.
What does it feel like to be the country’s most sought-after divorce lawyer?
I work at the coal face of people’s lives, which can make the difference between them having a depressing, miserable and poor existence or having the positive future that everyone deserves.
I started my firm in 2005, and over time, by dint of relentless work and an obsessive drive for excellence, Vardags became known for fielding many of the best divorce lawyers in London: its court victories were all over the international media and I was dubbed the ‘Diva of Divorce’.
Gradually, I began to believe I had a real place in the world and something that I could contribute – moving the law forward and making it work for the individuals who needed me to fight for them when their families fell into disarray. I understood their sense of fear and loss, the ache of longing, the guilt of leaving a relationship and the pain of being left, and what it takes to rebuild oneself, survive and become strong.
What according to your learnings and experience do South Asians need to get right about understanding divorces better?
There is still a huge amount of stigma around divorce in South Asian communities. If we just compare divorce rates, India and Sri Lanka sit as low as 0.5% - 1% divorce rate, compared to the UK and America which is around 50%.
In South Asian communities, divorce is thought of as shameful and the implications are far-reaching, as a marriage tends to be the union of two families, and their communities, rather than just of two people. Consequently, many individuals remain in unhappy marriages to avoid letting down their loved ones. For women in particular, this attitude puts them at increased risk of domestic violence and intimate partner violence, where they will often stay rather than endure the societal backlash that comes with leaving. And, as we’ve sadly seen in recent news, the violence that is still perpetrated against South Asian women who do choose to leave their marriage is utterly frightening. There are some great charitable organisations that exist in the UK to help women with this – but it’s something I feel we urgently need to come together and work to address as a community, educating our sons and daughters for a better and safer future.
What do you think is the general perception and how would you want to course correct it, if needed?
There can be a perception, across all communities, that divorce is often viewed as a failure. While this is finally beginning to change, these deep-rooted sentiments remain. Being divorced doesn’t make you any less of a parent, it doesn’t mean you’ve ‘given up’ and you aren’t letting your family or community down. In fact, once you are out of a difficult marriage there’s every chance you’ll be better able to focus on the important things in life – like being a parent or progressing your career.
Divorces can be polarising towards a gender. What are your learnings there?
Divorces can be polarising, but it isn’t really so much about gender as about the struggle between power-holder and dependant. That tends to come down to the wealth divide in high-net-worth divorces. In a lot of cases, though not all, it is the husband who has the money, the wife having given up their career to raise the children and run the home. That is why it is important to get a prenuptial agreement before you are married, when you still love each other so that you can work out amicably how you would part if you had to, and there isn’t any of the bitter arguing in court over money and assets and who gets the house that can cause irrevocable rifts between parents and indeed between whole families.
What would be your advice to those who contemplate divorce but don’t seek it due to lack of information or courage?
My advice is always to work on the marriage first, try to have an open and honest conversation with your other half and ask questions to understand better how they are feeling. You can also try mediation. If you decide after that conversation that the best course of action is to get a divorce and find a lawyer who will guide you through the process, many firms will offer a consultation free of charge and in this meeting, you can ask questions and find out more about the process and if you click with the lawyer. It is important to be informed. Speak with friends, and family and do some online research, definitely don’t isolate yourself in times like this. Lean on your support network or find a therapist or counsellor you can talk to.
What would you tell young aspiring lawyers especially women about pursuing a career in law?
Stick at it. It is a fabulous career path that allows you to make a meaningful difference in the world.
