"I resorted to self-harm to deal with my anxiety"

Hafsa Qureshi is a 25-year old woman from the Ministry of Justice who is ranked as the Bi Role Model of the Year by Stonewall for breaking stereotypes and giving voice to the isolated pockets of LGBT+ group in the BAME community. But the Muslim woman from Birmingham who started identifying the traits of not being 'normal' in her early teens has had her fair share of being 'bullied' at school, 'discriminated' at workplaces and, who 'ticked' off the “straight box” in employment forms until she had joined Ministry of Justice.

Talking to the Asian Voice about the confusion that plagued her teenage years, she discloses how: “I had reached a point when I was 12-13 years old and I realised I was a lesbian. I really struggled with accepting my identity because gradually I realised I was a bi-sexual. I told myself, "It doesn’t mean I want to date them or be sexually active. I asked myself does dating women mean I can’t get married?”

Stigma and shame are synonyms of the Asian community and its perspective towards the LGBT+ groups. That intersectionality of being religious and hailing from the LGBT community can often pose to be a barrier for these people who experience double isolation both from within their community and outside where they are subject to 'bullying' and 'homophobic' attacks because of their religion. Hafsa, however is quick to clarify that although she is religious she has never attempted to “define what a certain religion should look like or how should the community behave." 

According to the Government of UK's website there is no legal definition of bullying. However, it also mentions that bullying can take many forms including physical assault, teasing, making threats, name calling and cyber-bullying. She recalls of the incident from school when kids called her a “Lesbian who would make-out with an old teacher at school who nobody liked and they all laughed. I don't know what was so funny about it?” she murmurs. But bullying played only a part in her growing up years when she was fighting to scrape out of the negative feelings and depression that was caging her. Instead of having that conversation with a mental health counsellor or a family friend, Hafsa confessed how she was worried about being seen as ‘crazy’ as she was already seen as ‘weird’ and so, she resorted to unhealthy ways of coping, “I didn’t know how to ask for help and instead I turned to less healthy ways of coping- cutting and self-harming. I was worried about being a burden to others and trying not to make a big deal out of anything.

“And this is why I think it is so important to have that conversation, to reach out to younger people who are struggling with these things. So, they can have a healthy mechanism to approach their family and friends,” she revealed.

The Stonewall role model following an A levels degree had enrolled in University but had to drop out in the very first year because of her ill parents, who left her behind with heavy mortgages, for which she needed to start working full-time. Hopping between various jobs, Hafsa spoke about how she was discriminated in these jobs because of her sexuality.

“I had co-workers who I have been good friends with but as soon as my sexuality has come out, immediately it seemed as if they had rescinded me and didn’t want to know me because I had done something wrong. It hindereded my career wherein people wanted to have minimum or no interaction with me and that put me in the worst position with the management. The same management that did not see me as a team player,” she explained.

But it all changed for Hafsa when she started working in recruitment support for Her Majesty’s Courts and Tribunal Service, part of MoJ, in Birmingham. Advised by her friend to apply for the civil services, she was worried that her lack of education and experience would obstruct her chances of being accepted for the position. But she sailed through the application process, got invited for a short interview and managed to secure a job all because of her presentation. Being declared the Stonewall icon of the year, she emphasises on the importance of finding organisations like the Ministry of Justice or other civil services which are diverse and inclusive.

“We have diversity and we have inclusion. Diversity is being invited to the party and inclusion is being asked to dance and we can have a workplace with anti-discrimination policies but we need them to stand by those policies,” she reminisces.

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 “I didn’t know how to ask for help and instead I turned to less healthy ways of coping- cutting and self-harming. I was worried about being a burden to others and trying not to make a big deal out of anything."

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