At Asian Voice we believe that being a woman is beyond being a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a mother- the essence of her womanhood cannot be contained merely in her relationships or her profession. It is her heart, her desires, and her actions that maketh her.
This year’s theme for International Women’s Day (IWD) is “Be Bold for Change”. In sync with this, it is time for us to stand up for each other- neither silently, nor violently, but boldly and firmly. The power to change perceptions requires courage, a trait we as women personify. It is all about a shared dream- a dream of being the best versions of ourselves without being questioned on our womanhood, a world devoid of glass ceilings and cultural boundations. As the IWD campaign puts it, “Whoever you are, wherever you are, it is one team changing the world together”.
So let us connect with women from all over the world, and within our families, and stand up for each other in times of need. This is a mission that will last a lifetime and will bear fruits not only for us but for generations of women to come. Let us vow to not tolerate ignorance for women’s issues- to sensitise our children, both boys and girls, to love and respect each other as equals.
Inspiring women from across the world have similar messages, but we seldom inculcate them in our lives- leaving the job to the “activists” or “the feminist type”. If you feel you have been wronged at any point in your life, owing to your gender, and believe that action must be taken to eradicate this inequality, then, my friend, you already are an “activist”, a “feminist”.
As they say, a feminist is as a feminist does! We urge you to zero in on parts of your life that require you to be bold- do not hesitate to take that journey to authenticate your promises made to yourself. Be bold because each time a woman loses her battle with misogyny, you lose. Be bold because if you are not, the patriarchs will be. Be bold because your daughters and sons are watching and learning from you.
Real Women – Real Issues
The East is East and the West is West; and Never the twain shall meet so said the great Kipling. Bridging these two worlds would always come with challenges. Here are stories of some real women who are making this difficult adjustment – trying to hold on to their Asian roots while boldly striking out in today’s United Kingdom.
Cultural mismatch
Trying to hold on to Asian roots while raising children in UK can also be quite disorienting.
29-year-old Setal feels that her culture holds her back from starting her business. “When someone talks about British Values or Indian Values, I feel I belong to none.” She feels that very few people can be part of the mainstream market space. Even her friends/ relatives who have started businesses target the British Asian Community.
The other side of the coin also seems true – as Asian communities struggle to come to terms with the efforts of expat women to internationalise.
Says Ramsha, a 24-year-old – “My mother never spoke to me about sex and dating- but I just know they’ll never accept my non-Asian boyfriend. How Asian am I really? Or How British?” she said.
Ivkiran, a 36-year-old agrees – “Places of worship reject ceremonising wedding rituals where both the bride and the groom do not share the same faith. I went ahead with my wedding and am facing isolation from my family and community.”
“My parents still have that image of Pakistan that they left in the 1980s. My cousins back there have moved on a long way in terms of dating and relationships, but I cannot get my parents to realise that. I am probably more Pakistani than my cousins back home,” Ramsha said sadly.
Imposing Asian culture, or trying to hold on too tight to your roots while raising children in the UK is disturbing and devastating. Integrating and embracing the culture of the land is easier and healthier for both generations. Every culture has its flip-sides, but embracing the positives with an open mind should be the way to go about.
Work and Employment
London provides a healthy environment for working women, but is extremely competitive and professional.
Nikita, working with KPMG in Canary Wharf moved from Dubai. She loves working in London as it does not pose issues like office harassment from senior colleagues or overt gender bias. “Working here is far healthier (than Dubai),” she said.
But for first generation Indian women here on dependent visas, the struggle to find employment can be really distressing. HR Consultant Neha Malpani told Asian Voice that “My work experiences in the past do not matter because it was not UK based. I find this unfair and illogical.”
Rajitha Ravindran, another professional endorsed Neha’s anxieties and reiterated “finding a job in London was tough and the salary given my years of experience was quite bad.”
Neha says – “UK experience is crucial and without it I have to be ready to begin from scratch. I am finally considering taking up higher studies but I know friends who have done their Masters here, paid hefty college fees and are still unable to find employment due to their lack of UK work experience.”
“Voluntary work is also difficult to come by. I once received a mail from an NGO stating that I have been long-listed” – she laughed.
However, the trick is to keep trying and to never give up – stay positive and optimistic. Look out for courses of your choice. Sometimes, just getting out of the house, learning to drive, getting a UK driving license gives us a sense of accomplishment and confidence, providing the first steps towards integrating.
Rendering a helping hand
Asians raised in their homeland find it extremely tough to cope with the lifestyle here, sans helpers, families and relatives. Asian men are not trained to take on housework, and it often comes crashing down on the women. The situation can be far from ideal.
“Domestic help is expensive and Indian women often struggle with household work, kids and office – leaving very little time for herself,” says Geetika “Indian men cannot really handle household and kids’ responsibilities and it becomes a real issue to manage everything.”
“Personally I feel we live in a society where people have changed their opinions and prefer a well-educated daughter-in-law who is independent, earns well and is self-sufficient. But the Asian community must come to terms with the fact that their men should help in house-hold chores and raising children along with their spouses,” said Nikita.
Well train the men! Find the support that you need. It is missing when you move to the UK, but reaching out to other women – integrating, making friends and calling out for help when you are unable to cope can be wise choices.
Depression and Loneliness
Mental health issues are common in the UK, and it is not just Asian women suffering from it. Like expats and asylum seekers from different communities, lots of women get into depression because of the individualistic lifestyle in UK.
Says Mili, a 40-year-old – “I am a homemaker and a mother. I feel my life has been blurred by a mundane routine. Before I got married, I was living in India, and at least there was a support system. Here, bringing up a child is so difficult alone, with my husband away from home most of the time, and it is too expensive to hire help.”
In a ladies group on social media, an anonymous letter was posted by a young mother who was suffering from severe depression. A Chartered Accountant, she could not get employed in the UK. She felt worthless, depressed, thought her husband did not care enough and was considering self-harm.
Women reacted to her post immediately, discussing that her situation was not unusual and that they all have gone through similar stages. One lady entrepreneur offered her a job and another introduced her to a company that employs work-from-home qualified mothers, giving them an opportunity to start a second career.
Reaching out to your GP in the NHS is an option. The GP refers you to a Psychological Wellness Practitioner for counselling cases of mild anxiety or severe chronic depression. It helps you find the answers and that is half the battle won.
Abuse and Alcoholism
Shyamla, a 40-year-old single mother of two, had married a bus driver in London and moved from Sri Lanka sixteen years back. She only spoke Tamil. “He was okay at first, worked on shifts and we were doing fine. I could not speak English so I worked in an Indian garments factory in Wembley. We lived in an extended family with my husband’s sisters,” she said.
Problems started after he had an accident and claimed benefits. “He would not lift a finger, while I struggled with two kids. He watched television all day and used the benefit money for the children to get drunk with his friends. He beat me regularly when I complained.”
Things got out of hand one day when he boxed her face and broke her jaw. “I ran out of the house bleeding profusely, I was in so much pain I could barely move. A Sri Lankan neighbour helped me and called an ambulance,” she recalled teary eyed.
The NHS reported the case to the police and she was put on benefits and her husband behind the bars. Shyamala fought back, went to college, learnt English, computers and accounting and works in retail now.
The problems of integrating into the community can be tough, but the Asian community is united and supportive. There are differences that can be challenging, but there are also opportunities to break the Asian traditions that can bring in new possibilities. As women, it’s the possibilities that we should be looking at – taking a pledge to fight our struggles together. Be bold, and be the change.
Bollywood asks 'are our daughters less than our sons'?
Gender inequality is widespread, even among the intellectual and high-profile Indian cine industry where one’s talent is supposed to be the only determinant of success. Consequently, some artists from the industry have come out openly, urging the members to embrace gender equality, bridge the wage gap, transform women to hold central roles and fight for equal job opportunities.
Dangal, a wrestling biopic starring Aamir Khan was a huge box-office hit. The movie portrayed the journey of India’s wrestler sisters Geeta Phoghat, gold medalist at the Commonwealth championships and Babeeta Kumari, bronze medalist in the World Wrestling Championship in 2012. The dramatic twist was their father, played by Aamir, felt compelled to coach his daughters to become world-class wrestlers in a male-dominated sport by not letting gender stand in his way. The movie struck a chord with the audience and the film grossed 50 million USD globally at the box office.
Off-screen Aamir took up the social cause, campaigning for gender parity in smaller towns and cities of India. Sensitizing traditional family-run businesses to take their daughters as heirs to their private holdings, Aamir urged them to take pride in adding the ‘& Daughters’ appendage to their businesses, otherwise traditionally represented as ‘& Sons.’
He stood in solidarity with his Director wife Kiran Rao and members of the industry, raising awareness about the portrayal of women in movies. The goal was to fight against confining women to stereotypical roles, often reducing them to provide eye-candy in gyrating ‘item’ dance numbers.
Kiran shared a platform with the American Director, Scriptwriter, Marketer and Distributer Ava Marie DuVernay during a discussion in Mumbai’s MAMI Film Festival in 2015; discussing the bias women face in the industry when it comes to directing films.
Ava said that there was not a chance that a female director could make a 400-million-dollar Marvel or DC comic movie which are the real popcorn grabbers. “The big production houses will hire a newbie male director, but eyebrows will be raised if a female director shows a tiny sign of interest in making one. We never get the opportunity to make such films,” she said.
In India, the lady make-up artist Charu Khurana, fought a legal battle against an entire union of the Cine Costume, Make-up artistes and Hair Dressers Association (CCMAA) that restricted women to only the role of hair dressers; and the make-up for film projects would be handled solely by men.
The association denied Charu a membership. She dragged CCMAA to the Supreme Court for denying her fundamental right of equal opportunity. She singly raised her voice against the six-decades-old rule that kept women away from competing with men; and won the case in 2014. These are positive, bold steps in the long battle for parity, a concept that seems to have passed the Cine world by – be it Bollywood or Hollywood.
