Harj Gahley battled a gambling addiction for over a decade, starting at age 23. Now in recovery for three years, he serves as the Director at the gambling charity Red Card. Harj began gambling in casinos, eventually transitioning to online platforms, betting on blackjack, roulette, horses, and sports. His addiction escalated, leading to significant financial and personal consequences. After his wife discovered his gambling transactions, Harj sought professional help through Gamcare and CBT therapy. Today, he shares his story to inspire others, especially within the Indian community, to seek support and overcome gambling addiction.
He spoke to Asian Voice about it:
Harj, can you share more about how you first got into gambling at the age of 23 and what types of gambling activities you engaged in?
I was living in Birmingham in 2009 and after a night out on Broad Street, Birmingham, a friend of mine continued the party into a casino where I was told we could get ‘free food and drinks’. My friends took a seat at the Blackjack table where I watched on whilst laughing and joking with them. After 10-15 minutes my friend asked me to join him playing Blackjack, I told him I didn’t have a clue how to play, to which he responded, “It’s so easy, just do what I do”.
I took £10 out of my pocket and gave it to the croupier; they gave me some “chips” back. I started playing and within 30-40 minutes, I noticed my stack of chips had gotten bigger to the amount of £60.
My mind immediately thought this is FREE money. After that night, I would find myself going to the casino every other week, to once a week and then I started going by myself 2/3 times a week then every day. I would typically games such as Blackjack, Three card poker, Baccarat and Roulette.
At what point did you realise that your gambling had become a problem, and how did it impact your perception of money and control?
16 June 2020, my wife’s suspicions about money had become true. We met in 2012 on a flight back from New York, got married in 2014 and shortly after being married she would find overdue bills, debt letters, bailiff letters, not going out to eat or holiday and so much more.
On the date mentioned above (during the Pandemic), she discovered the secret I hid from everyone for 12 years… Gambling. It was at this moment, the reality of my gambling addiction and situation hit me like a ton of bricks. My wife was packing my bags and kicking me out and telling me I could never see my two-year-old son (at the time).
After begging on my knees, my wife offered me a second chance at our marriage only if I got professional help. For so long I was chasing a jackpot, not realising I had already hit the jackpot!
How did the stigma around gambling within the South Asian community and your cultural background affect your ability to seek help?
Anyone looking at my life would see a “quote-on-quote” successful guy with a great job, marriage, child, etc. Growing up, I always felt pressure from society (not my parents) to be a successful person, if not you are deemed a failure. In addition, when it comes to addictions there is a lot of “turning your nose up” and “looking down on someone” from the South Asian Community. As a turban-wearing Sikh, I also felt an added level of pressure. I felt it was easier for me to stay quiet and suffer in silence rather than share what I was going through.
What were some of the biggest challenges you faced when trying to quit gambling, and how did you overcome the feelings of shame and guilt?
“Sharam Kar” (have shame!), are the words that haunted me.
Who do I ask for help? My parents, family, friends? NO WAY!!!
The fear of being judged stopped me from opening up about the reality of my situation. Not to forget, I also have to tell them that I had begged, borrowed or stolen money from them to fuel my addiction.
To be honest, the feeling of shame, guilt and lack of self-worth created an inner self-critic that I have never experienced before, and this led me to attempt suicide on 18 August 2020 by trying to crash my car into a central reserve on the M1 near Leicester services.
Eventually, I googled “how to quit gambling”, and I came across a charity called Gamcare. I remember calling them and crying for nearly one hour because it was the first time I didn’t feel judged but seen, heard and somewhat understood.
It’s been over 4 years since I quit gambling and am a huge advocate for recovery and Mental Health. I openly share my addiction and recovery story so that it can be a beacon of hope for those suffering in silence.
As a Director at Red Card, how do you hope to use your story and experiences to help others in the Indian community overcome the stigma and seek support for gambling addiction?
It’s been over 4 years since I quit gambling and am a huge advocate for recovery and Mental Health. I openly share my addiction and recovery story so that it can be a beacon of hope for those suffering in silence. Since January 2024, I have helped nearly 100 people from South Asian communities start their recovery journey and have stopped 8 people from either thinking or intent on suicide.